I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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