Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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