I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
