Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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