dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
