I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
