there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
