just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
