We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
