It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize