I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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