Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
