the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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