So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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