i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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