tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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