i already hear my dad disowning me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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