you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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