I think I died a long time ago.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
