Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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