I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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