Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
