life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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