so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
