I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
