The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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