the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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