Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
