i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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