Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
