Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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