I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
