Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
