My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Two words: blizzard sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
