I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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