I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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