but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
