quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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