I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize