I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I FOUND THE LEGS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
