And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
