We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
