i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
