Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
