she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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