feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
