My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
