Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize