Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
