I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
vagina is talking i cant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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