yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
