im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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