Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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