I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
