Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
