worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did i walk over a car last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
