Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
