There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
