I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
