So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
