And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize