I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize