I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
