The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
