just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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