She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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