look no pants
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you had me at cake vodka
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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