dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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