she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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