you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
