I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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