i already hear my dad disowning me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
