its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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