i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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